The Weekly Roundup (11/9/15-11/13/15)

Sunday, 8 November

Berkeley Dems plan to tweet about GOP racism during debate. They claim the GOP has a “documented history” of using racism, which would likely come as a surprise to Republicans like Thaddeus Stevens and Abraham Lincoln, and would certainly prompt jealous outrage from Democrats like Woodrow Wilson and Robert Byrd.

Monday, 9 November

Duke, UNC admins refuse to shred ‘triggering’ Constitution…thereby demonstrating unequivocally that gullibility does not have to be a job requirement for university officials.

Mizzou football players strike to protest racism. The ploy seems to have succeeded in prompting the president’s resignation, but we wonder whether it might have been more effective had they threatened to play additional games.

Dartmouth dumps Trump from stump, but happy to hear Hillary. Candidates never get Spaulding. Hillary spoke at Spaulding. Therefore, Hillary is not a candidate.

Tuesday, 10 November

Afrikan Black Coalition seeks to ‘stop white people’ by overthrowing Constitution. If the First Amendment goes away, will they shut up?

Mizzou PD asks students to report ‘hateful and/or hurtful’ speech. Which begs the question: why should students report such incidents to police, given that the email itself concedes that “cases of hateful and hurtful speech are not crimes”?

REPORT: divestment about politics, not environment. Okay, so perhaps you had already surmised as much. But did you know that each divestment is effectively a garage sale for fossil fuel stocks?

Wednesday, 11 November

Millennial activists merge causes for DC protest. The issues are “inextricably linked,” they claimed, because as everyone knows, immigration problems are caused by climate change.

Yale students allegedly spit on free speech advocates. In the expectorators’ defense, engaging in a dialogue with their adversaries would have been hypocritical.

Mizzou prof resigns following outrage over refusal to cancel exam. Now THAT sounds like “interference with the learning environment.”

Ithaca College students demand president’s resignation. In keeping with the emerging pattern, the student made vague claims that the president has not done “enough” to combat racism, but find themselves utterly at a loss to define which actions he should have taken.

Thursday, 12 November

Claremont students demand resource center or resignations. They need a safe space, free from the horrors of intellectual rigor, in which to reflect on their “personhood.” Otherwise, presumably, they would forget.

UMN student gov: 9/11 remembrance would violate our safe space. Reflect if you will, dear reader, on the significance of their logic: they fear that silently contemplating the events of 9/11 for even a moment might inspire negative feelings toward Muslims.

Lone student defending Ithaca president accused of racism. After all, what other motive could he have had for resisting a movement seeking to destroy a man’s career without even giving him the dignity of proffering specific charges? But enough about that. What you’ll really want to see is the vaguely anime-esque fellow who is so overwhelmed with emotion that his voice cracks like Peter Brady’s. “It is ridiculous!”

Friday, 13 November

Preacher allegedly punched by protesters at Mizzou. Anyone whose natural reaction to hearing an opinion with which they disagree is physical assault probably wouldn’t comprehend the irony of refusing to tolerate the rights of others while jealously exercising their own. Not even if you explained it.

Journalist jumps on speech suppression bandwagon. She writes for USA Today, so she probably doesn’t realize that the precedent she is helping to establish could one day prove prejudicial to her own career (yes, the pun is intended; and never trust any purveyor of the written word who claims that a pun is unintended, for they are lying).

Rutgers creates committee to study racist past, suggest atonement. This is what they call a pre-emptive strike. But will it completely neutralize the enemy’s offendedness?

NDSU steers dollars, students to Planned Parenthood. It seems like an unnecessary risk to take in a conservative state that doesn’t even have one PP office. Besides, do Women’s Studies majors really need to be encouraged to intern for Planned Parenthood?

Claremont Dean resigns amid protests. Surely a competent, charismatic, intelligent, and (most importantly) empathetic, individual will now materialize, Mary Poppins-like, to fill the position. Either that or they’ll end up scraping the bottom of the barrel seeking out a replacement willing to endure the uncertainty of taking a job with a tenure subject to the caprice of emotionally-charged college students.

Amherst students demand crackdown against free speech. Most deliciously, they came up with the idea while exercising their freedom of speech at a stand with Mizzou demonstration.

Mitch Daniels makes gutsy statement touting free expression in wake of Mizzou protests. Subsequently, some students protested outside his office, outraged at his insinuation that they support of free speech.

Yale protesters occupy president’s lawn to deliver diversity demands. Good strategy, guys … people are generally most congenial when they are awoken in the middle of the night and greeted with the spectacle of self-righteous twenty-somethings trampling their tulips.

W&M’s Jefferson statue covered in sticky-notes. But wait, there’s more: “The need to project a progressive environment is just as important as food and shelter to survive.” Yep, if it weren’t for those beneficent progressives, we’d all be stone cold corpses right now.

Iowa student gov declares support for Black Lives Matter. And boy were most of them surprised when they found out that they felt that way.

Black Vanderbilt prof latest target of racial complaints. “I think the university has created a place where they feel safe attacking anyone who holds a view they disagree with.” Well put, Prof. Swain; we have nothing further to add.

Campus Reform maps 115 ‘Stand with Mizzou’ protests. This is just the beginning. It’s only getting worse from here.