The Weekly Roundup: Here's what you missed while you were at CPAC

Monday, February 29

New USC frat rules: don’t drink too much, but if you do, sleep over

It’s all part of their commitment to cracking down on sexual assault.

Anti-Israel students at UMN demand phantom divestment

Geez, they could have at least had the decency to check whether the school actually invested in any of the companies they targeted before holding a protest. But then, that would be the intelligent thing to do.

Oberlin prof accuses Israel of creating ISIS

Yup, Israel just really needed another enemy. That’s gotta be it.

UCLA allows prof to teach while he faces sexual assault investigation

He's under investigation and innocent until proven guilty, of course, but you're not even going to suspend him with pay?

Protesters in GA say denying enrollment to illegals is equivalent to segregated lunch counters

Except for the fact that the Civil Rights movement was based entirely on the fact that black people are American citizens entitled to the protections that entails, unlike non-citizens.

USC sued for threatening to expel student over free speech posters

They could have at least waited to find out what he wanted to speak about…

Tuesday, March 1

UMD students want to use class time for protesting, even in engineering courses

Well, now that would be convenient, wouldn’t it? Then they wouldn’t even need to worry about getting excuses and extensions from their professors.

Anti-Shapiro protesters at CSULA want ‘hate speech’ banned on campus

They actually mean “hateful speech,” grammatically speaking, but as a practical matter, the best interpretation is “any speech with which the angriest segment of the student body disagrees.”

Bowdoin creates safe spaces for victims of Tequila-themed party

Isn’t that overkill? Surely their hangovers would have gone away naturally by the next afternoon.

Wednesday, March 2

Buffalo students complain of depression after binging over Spring Break

Don’t worry, guys. Surely those pictures will never find their way onto the Internet.

Gettysburg College criticizes pro-life flyers, but defends protest banner

What passes for logic at Gettysburg: victims of vandalism receive lecture about hurting others’ feelings; perpetrators of vandalism receive support from administrators.

Rutgers president stands up for free speech after controversial ‘Dangerous Faggot’ lecture

We actually had to read the statement a few times over before we could completely believe that a university president, at Rutgers of all places, is refusing to silence speech.

Thursday, March 3

Students: UDel changed rules to stop us from purchasing ammo

The school had two options: close the loophole and apply restrictions universally, or widen the loophole to expand the autonomy of student groups. Channeling Stalin, they chose the former.

Friday, March 4

Students face impeachment, social probation for attending tequila-themed party

Of course, a St. Patrick's Day-themed party would've elicited no raised eyebrows whatsoever.

Yale students convinced that free speech is threatened on campus

Twenty years of indoctrination undone by a one-hour lecture. Those students’ grade school teachers must be frothing at the mouth.

VIDEO: UCLA students think free handouts are the way to achieve the American Dream

On the plus side, they’re generally too busy agitating for political action to be bothered with such plebeian activities as voting.