The Weekly Roundup: Newspeak sure is confusing...
Monday 6 March
What’s the problem? She didn’t set foot on campus, or anything.
Perhaps if they didn’t preemptively turn down job offers, those student loan payments wouldn’t be such a burden after graduation.
If inaction is “an act of violence,” our definitions of “act” and “violence” must be way off.
They were trying to use Tea Party tactics to disrupt the event, but discovered that the strategy only works on those who lack courage in their convictions.
The Vice Provost stated that all students are “entitled to express openly their views and opinions.” This was news to the student government representatives, who had been laboring under the impression that they alone enjoyed that privilege.
Lest we forget that the progressives are out there every day, manning the front lines in the war against thoughtcrime.
That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?
After all, he clearly doesn’t care much for his students...
Tuesday 7 March
Calling the hypothetical presidential candidate “Ronald Plump” did less than you might think to disguise the reference.
These examples do a better job of showing what liberals think conservatives believe than demonstrating actual conservative thought.
Well, we certainly don’t want them to be “educated” by liberal propagandists like him!
Thinking critical thoughts about someone is not the same as critical thinking.
Can solidarity actually be mandated, anyway? And why does it never have anything to do with Lech Wa??sa?
Which is only $59,999 more than it would have cost to download the song from iTunes.
We know what they really mean, but “racist superiority” sure does make it sound as though they’re boasting about the superiority of their racism.
Now that we think about it, though, that might actually be what they really mean.
Making it all the more urgent for the FDA to get around to approving the “chill pill.”
Amazingly, the documents apparated just one day after the suit was filed.
Yeah, sure. That’s the reason they want to meet in bars.
Where does one even begin to deconstruct this argument? It’s almost as though she was seeking to overwhelm any potential detractors with fallacies and hypocrisies
Wednesday 8 March
Picking on someone their own size was perhaps inadvisable.
The complaint was made by an ostensibly non-partisan group that just hosted its first-ever conservative speaker, and then corroborated by the College Democrats, so at least we can take comfort that Cornell students retain some common sense in stubborn defiance of the best efforts of their administration.
There is a certain logic to it. What need is there for a Women’s Center on the Day Without a Woman?
The good people at the AAUP might be surprised to learn that the revisions to the executive order were not, in fact, intended solely to assuage the conjectural concerns of the professoriate.
Basically, the Board just wrote a blank check to the guy tasked with defining “climate denier,” who just so happens to be the same guy who came up with the idea as a “compromise” solution after the Board rejected full divestment from fossil fuels.
Whether this was a hoax is a matter of perspective.
It’s clear that nobody ever seriously intended for this event to take place, but the only conceivable purpose for the flyer is to elicit outrage, for which the event itself is quite unnecessary.
They didn’t specify which ones, though, leaving it up to the student activists to decide for themselves which businesses to deprive of their patronage.
We suspect that those particular students have already been doing that for years, much to the chagrin of their dining companions.
Thursday 9 March
One viewer of the performance described the male Hillary as “very punchable,” which is presumably what many voters thought of the real Hillary after she declared them a “basket of deplorables.”
And yes, they did actually read it first.
No more so than anti-Trumpism...
Great, now if only these bouncers for free speech were at Middlebury and UC Berkeley...
Well, that’s one way to get a favorable Tweet from @POTUS.
How dare they overturn a democratic decision by some students to deny basic rights to other students?
Friday 10 March
On the plus side, pretty soon nobody is going to believe anything they read, which is just about right.
We don’t know whether to feel complimented or offended that we aren’t on this list.
Don’t worry; it will all be privately funded, assuming the private funding materializes.
Apparently, living a half-hour from Disney World wasn’t good enough.
Yeah, well, his salary seemed a bit excessive even before he resigned.
That’s right, we said it. This isn’t just about a free speech course; it’s an elaborate ploy to justify terminating a tenured professor. Just wait and see.
Saturday 11 March
Rumors of this bill’s death have been greatly exaggerated.
Thank goodness. Those protest tactics they had been using are sooo last year.