"If you have like a long tail coming out of your butt, and you can stand there and look like a character from Avatar while you like hold it in your hand and swing it around, you can build up your sexual confidence because now you have a persona you can play,” Antonelli explained.

We don’t know whether to call the nursery or the asylum.

VIDEO: Michigan students occupy library to protest Trump victory

We’re surprised they knew where to find it...

Profs cancel classes to ‘cope’ with ‘anxiety and terror’ of Trump win

We suspect that says more about the professors than it does about Trump.

‘Anxious and fearful’ students demand day off to cry about Trump

Shoot, we’d encourage them to take more days than that. How about 4,000?

‘American’ students burn Old Glory to protest Trump

Because when you don’t get your way, you damn the entire nation.

Schools offer counseling to help students process Trump win

And the counselors are just champing at the bit to talk about something...anything...besides students’ latest drunken sexual escapades.

American flag desecrated with ‘f*** you’ to Trump

You know you like your identity politics when you acknowledge vandalism of a pride flag, but not an American one.

Profs quivering with fear, anger after Trump election

Good story, but not MSM-newsworthy: If you want to get it in The New York Times, replace the word “white” in the statements made with “black.”

Thursday 10 November

UMich to profs: don’t say ‘ladies and gentlemen,’ ‘mom and dad’

Sometimes we wish they wouldn’t say anything.

UT students block bridge during anti-Trump demonstration

Well, at least they’re emulating Hillary. How does it go…”build bridges, not wa—” Wait, never mind.

Review: too many old, white women teaching fashion studies

Go ahead and check the “ageism” box for this week.

UCI students scare themselves, hold ‘group cry’ after Trump win

We haven’t seen this much collective whining by students since recess got canceled.

‘Safe spaces’ abound for students in ‘emotional crisis’ over Trump

And the Canadians are already starting to get annoyed.

College admins regale students with anti-Trump diatribes

Maybe if they hadn’t canceled classes, they wouldn’t have so much time to figure out how to get a foot in their mouths.

Friday 11 November

UL-Lafayette student lied about hate crime by Trump supporters

These liberals were told that Trump’s minions would be coming for them in force, so now that things are pretty much the same, they’re left with naught but hallucinogenic confirmation.

MAP: Campuses reel in outrage, ‘fear’ over Trump’s election

Have we just made the first Outrage Map?

SMU revokes, then restores, honor for daughter of slain officer

They were just worried that they might offend the officer’s killers, apparently.

Saturday 12 November

Brown students vandalize U.S. flags on eve of Veterans Day

And just like that, the military was disbanded, Trump’s election was overturned, and Obama ascended into Heaven on a gilded pillow.

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